I'm back in my world.

And It feels more lonely then ever. And I'm unhappy once again...welcome home kristy.

uhh how I long to be back in Africa. I was away for 4 months, and I left here feeling depressed, I stepped of that airplane and realized I was happy, and for 4 months I breathed, and it was beautiful. I walked with no cloud up around my head. And Then I came back...

Besides that, I feel like I was living in a dream. I'm "home" now. Although I actually do not have a home at the moment. SUCKS. Car is Gone. sister crashed it. I need a job. I need a life. I can't sit and think anymore.

Thats all.

Hello Family and Friends, (everytime I write that I want to say friends then family, but I never do haha)
Anyways, HI!!! I am so excited to be writing to you guys, its been quite sometime. I have been very busy with working at my work site! It has been pretty intense, but also so refreshing and rewarding.
Okay so basically I work at this Prision. They have renamed it to "gateway." Basically Gateway is an orginization that does 10 different ministries al involving the commuinty in Pietermaritzburg. They work with townships in the area, orphanes, people with AIDS, Battered Women, etc. Its such a great Ministry.
Anyways, the first week we helped the place by Painting a school that they have running there. Its a school for kindergarten through six grade. Anyways, we painted the school inside and out because the kids are on "holiday" here. It was a humble experiance because we didn't really get to interact with the commuinty, but we did the behind the scene work that Gateway could not do without us. They kept telling us how we were blessings because we did so much stuff that week they could not possiably do because they are trying to make things right with the commuinty. It was really awesome to hear that. The prision needed some working on as well, and we scrapped all the paint off and repainted it. This prision had Nelson Mandela and Ganhdi attending at one time, which is pretty amazing to me, since they are people I WOULD like to meet/want to meet in heaven haha.
Okay so through Gateway we have been helping out in two ministry's they have. One of them is called LAM, its a feeding scheme. We go out into a township called hani-vill and cook food, interact with the people, serve them in anyway we can, and play with the kids. I am not fully apart of this ministry because I am apart of the battered women ministry ( we will get to that "just now" the african term that can mean in a little, in a bit,next YEAR haha). Anyways, I go to the LAM ministry with my whole group twice a week. This week we painted a wall, we dug 12 wholes that were about coffin size and then filled them with compose. It was intense, I got some pretty hardcore blisters. We also dug little wholes to plant lemon trees. This is all so they can start a garden and have food for that commuinty since they are homeless and don't have any food. The team that is working there is helping them understand how to make/tend to a garden, so they one day all can have their own. Also this week we went into the Township's hospital to pray over each ward. It was very very intense. We went to the first ward which had may people who had been shot, lost a leg, had manjor surgury for any kind of thing, and people who could barely stay alive because AIDS ot TB was slowly killing them. It was really awkward at first to go trhough there and stare at them. I felt so LAME, these white kids walking through this mostly black commuinty who are dying. The other hard thing is these people speak ZULU, which I can now speak a bit of, but not much. So the lady who was leading us through started a prayer for us in Zulu so the ward could hear us. Then my group started singing a zulu worship song, and the whole ward cried and sang it with us. It's a song about praising God, and its beautiful. EVERY SINGLE PERSON KNEW THIS SONG, where in america could you walk into a hospital, and every single person dying or who was really hurt would know a christian song that praised God, and would sing it with you? Hardely any. That is why I love Africa so much, the faith here is unbelievable, and its REAL. Its most REAL then anything I have ever seen. Anyways we walked through many more wards. The lsat ward we walked through was one that was just for women. EVERY single women in there had JUST found our they had AIDS and had probally only a few months to live, they were so sick looing, it was heart braking. We sang a song, and most of them looked at us with bitterness feelings. It was very hard, but then the women leading us through told them what we were doing, why we were there, how we have been studying in africa, and they opened us, and asked if we would sing another song, and we did of course in Zulu, and they were amazed we learned their language and a song that ment to much to them. At the end someone in our group would pray over them, all of us were a little hesitant to pray, since all these women were so sick, what do you even pray?? As most of you know, I HATE PRAYING IN PUBLIC, I HATE SPEAKING IN PUBLIC. Well my leader said "Kristy, why don't you pray for all of us.." My heart stopped I swear haha. So I looked at them all and prayed over them. It was something unreal, I had the words, and women cried. It was such a great thing. Going to this hosital was so great for me and opened my eyes to so much.
The next ministry, the one I work with more is the battered women shelter, that is secreitly placed on Gateways property so that noone can find them. These women are required to stay at Gateway for 3 months. They are required to get up on their feet again, find a job, possiably a home they can live after, and put their kids through school. Its very hard for these girls because most of them are my age and younger. Actually they are all younger except for two, one is 21 and the other is 24. And the rest are from 15-20 years old. They either have 2 kids or more. And the youngest girl there is 15, and 6 months pregnent. It saddens my heart to see this, but then again, it is their culture to have children at such a young age. It was good to play games with these girls, we played silly games like "Big butty." As the Women played I sat holding a 2 day old baby, and then a 4 month old baby. I put both babies to sleep, and feed them. I loved holding them, it was beautiful, and it made me miss my little siblings and my new nephew. One of the women who did not open up to us at all when we got there came over to me and asked me "Do you miss your children at home?" I told her I didn't have any, and her eyes filled with tears, and she said, "shame, you would make a good mom." I told her I was in school, and not married, and had no boyfriend even haha, I just didn't have kids, but I would in the future. She thought I had a medical problem where I couldn't have any. See, its a culture thing, i am considered "Old" to them and not having children. It blew me away. I asked her how many kids she had, and she told me she HAD 2. Right before she was put in Gateway, she husband abused her little girl to death. And then abused her. Her son was fine because he was at the neighbors house. It was one of the saddest stories I heard. She then opened up more, and laughed. Somedays working here are very hard, but all I can do is LOVE these people, I mean what else can you do, besides cry for them at the end of the day, because its the only way I can find healing in it all.
So that is a little chunk of what I am doing here. Its been AMAZING, and until now, writing this e-mail did I realize this. I felt like I have not done a lot, but I just realized even doing little things like painting, diggging holes, holding children,and praying, my team is making a huge differance in these lives. Its really cool to see.
Anyways, A different ministery I am helping start here is for People with Disablities. I met a women who works on the AE center, which i stay at who is in a wheel chair. Her dad's gun went off when she was 3 by accident, and she is now paralized from the wasit down. She is about 60 now. And is living her life to the fullest. She and I talked for a long time because I wass intrested in her life, as you all know I want to work with Disablied children. Anyways, she had great things to say, and told me that 11% of people which is not a absolute number because people are to scared to say it, are disabled. And that only 2% know God. Which broke my heart, because WHAT ARE THESE PEOPLE PUTTING THEIR HOPE IN?? And when you are living in a township, and you are a blakc person, and you are suffereing in a wheel chair and can't get a job because of it, and you have no idea who GOD is, What do you put your hope in?? So I asked her If I could help her with anything. She told me she is trying to start a ministry were she can go and helping people in need and bring them food, and talk to them. I asked her if I could help with the time I have here. And this weekend I am going into a rual area with her, and helping her feed people with all kinds of diablities. I am SO excited to be apart of it. I asked 4 other people on my team to come help me with it. I am excited.
Anyways, One last thing you guys could be praying for...I am kinda "sick" haha that is not the right word. I have this little lump, which I have talked about before in my groin area, well I believe it is a hernia, and have looked it up online, talked to my family to make an appt. and all other kinds of stuff. I am in SO much pain from it all, and I am not going to work with Labor the time remaining because I don't want to put anymore pressure on it, which is going to be hard for me to just sit and watch my team work. I went to the docotrs 4 times here because of it, and they think its for the best until I can go back into the states and see if it is one and get surgury. I'm not worried, I am just in PAIN. So pray for that.
OTHER THEN THAT...I come home in like 15 days!!!!! AHHHHH that is like 2 weeks guys! I am so excited. I'm not sure If I can squeeze another e-mail in before I leave, but the last week I am here I am going Camping in the wilderness on a 3 day Sufari! WOO! I am excited. I miss you guys all so freakin much, and I can't wait to come home and hang out and Love!! =) I hope you all are doing well! I love you.
-Love Kristy

Dear My Wonderful Family and Friends,
Before I start this e-mail off, I would like to say CONGRATS to the following people:
1.) Emily – I am so HAPPY and EXCITED you got into Biola! Everyone this is a college that is very close to mine! That makes my whole life, well almost my whole life! Now I have another Best Friend living near me when I am down at school, another reason to stay! Haha! Everyone, incase you don’t know Emily, she is a very close friend of mine, and has been there for me this last year with a lot of stuff, and I am so grateful for her!
2.) Dad and Sunny – CONGRATS on getting engaged! That is right my father finally found someone! I know, I thought it would never happen either. Haha Just kidding! But Sunny is great, and I am totally excited and happy for them too!
3.) And to everyone Who has a birthday this month, which I’m not sure who, If any, Happy Birthday! ( I had to add a 3rd thing, 2 things just sound lame, and I hate even numbers!)
Anyways, HI again! I know its only been a week, but I just got back from my spring break trip, and I must tell you all about it. You wont be hearing from me in quite sometime after this.
Okay so we went to Durban for the weekend (yes this was our spring break!) Mandy, Katie, Brooke, and I all stayed in a hotel room and smashed our two bed together. I ended up sleeping on the floor because I can’t sleep next to anyone. (My husbands really going to love the quality in me). Anyways we stayed at the Beach Hotel, and you guessed it, it was right on the beach! =) which was amazing. We tanned all day long, made our lunches and ate on the beach! And they had this huge thing all weekend and my friends Mandy and Katie got to go on stage and dance! Haha super funny, they made fools out of themselves! But got in 2nd and 3rd place because everyone thought they were so funny. At night we would take Taxi’s and go to Florida St. where all of the fun was. We found the FIRST Mexican place we had seen since we got to South Africa. We were so excited about it, we ate there the 3 days we were in Durban. It was great though because the guy who owned it was from San Diego, and hooked us up with Chips and drinks whenever we wanted!
So here is a little story for you. We have this thing (between the 27 girls on this trip), a little bet. The first girl to kiss a foreign guy wins 10 rand (which is there dollars in S.A.). I of course knew I would LOOSE because I am way to scared to kiss any one unless I am dating them. Anyways, my friend Katie on the other hand is not. One night when we were at the Mexican Food Place, these cute skater boys ( Yes Dave, skinny and everything), came into the place. They had longer hair, skinny, my total style! Everyone in our group was yelling at me, because everyone makes fun of me for liking these types of boys. Anyways Katie was like tonight is the night, I am winning the bet. So she goes upstairs ( we were down stairs), and I don’t see her for 20 minutes. Finally I look up ( you could see some of the balcony), and this cute boy (who looks like Kevin Stancell, for all you who know him), looks down at me and I get super nervous thinking Katie talked to him about me. So I go upstairs to get her away from there! When I get up there she has 7 boys around her, and they all go “Kristy, come speak to us in German!” And I was thinking…Okay…I don’t speak very much, but I know some, and why on earth do they want me to talk german? Come to find out there boys were from Germany, and told Katie they thought I was super cute. So I said “Fich Dich” haha Which I know only my grandma and mom knows what that means. And I said “Ich Hiesse Kristy, und du?” they thought it was so funny, and the one boy who looked like Kevin stancell, said remember these words and I said okay..and her german her said “You are very beautiful, the most beautiful girl I have ever seen!” haha I laughed when I asked him what it meant and said thanks. But I got nervous and told Katie we were going to get Ice cream. So she said bye to them, and right as she was leaving, a boy kissed her!!! AHH I screamed at the kid who told me I was beautiful and started to crack up! Katie won the bet like she said she would. As we were walking for about 30 minutes after that all happened, we pasted the Mexican food place again, and the boy who told me I was beautiful, yelled of the balcony “Kristy, my beautiful American girl WAIT!” and he jumped off the balcony and ran over to me! I was scared I wanted to run myself haha. He gave me his e-mail address, told me to come watch him the next day at the skate tournament they were having, and said hopefully I will see you there, if not come to Germany! I told him thanks and we walked away.
We got back to the hotel, and ate some ice cream and watched TV. All of us girls feel asleep. They next thing I know I hear knocking on our hotel room at 3 in the morning. I freak out and look out of the peep whole. There was 3 of the german boys! All my friends and I just ignored them and went back to bed. The next morning we had roses out side of our door, and a letter telling us they hoped we would come watch them skate! So after being on the beach for about 5 hours we walked over to the skate place. We saw the tournament, but the boys were not there. There friend Dallas, who is actually a famous skater who skates for element told us that these boys could not stop talking about us haha, and that he didn’t know where they were. So we hung with Dallas for about 2 hours and then left. Come to find out, they actually came right after us. Mandy my friend got an e-mail from one of them and he told us. So I thought I would share this story with you, since I felt like I was in middle school all over again! Haha. Plus this is what you expect when you go on a study abroad trip right?? Haha.
So spring break was a lot of fun, I just chilled on the beach, watched a surf tournament, watched a skating tournament, played a little soccer on the beach with some kids, and sun tanned. We also walked around the little markets and I got some RAD things and made some awesome friends with the people. I am so excited to hang out these next 4 weeks in the townships and AIDS Hospitals! Its going to be life changing, and hard at times, but I am so excited to finally meet the south Africans. I love you all and miss you a lot! Can’t wait to see you all! We have about 1 month left here! Be praying for me, and my team these next few weeks!
Love Always, Kristy

Hi Everyone! here are my last e-mails I sent out! Miss you all!
e-mails #5:
Why Hello Family and Friends!
Its been quite some time, and I am sorry! Its been crazy here in South Africa! Let me just say that Summer is ending, and we have had some pretty crazy thunderstorms that make our internet and power go out, so this is one of the reasons why I have not been able to communicate with you all. Other then that, School is trying to kill me…slowly and painfully! Haha. No, its just been crazy hard, I have never in my life read so much, studied so much, and tried to actually process what I was reading. I read a paragraph in a book and take at least 2 pages of notes on it! On top of that I have written 3 papers and have 2 more to go that are all at least 12-15 pages long on bible passages, and the trinity! Its good stuff, and I am enjoying it, but sometimes I want to just sleep, which I feel like I lack the most here. On top of it all I have been blessed with visiting the doctor a few times, once with my bug bite/lump on my ovaries, which turns out was the same thing and I had a really bad infection, the lump was a size of a small potato and now is about the sixe of a quarter, so don’t worry the medicine worked. Then I got sick this last week with a pretty intense cold. Maybe is the lack of sleep, stress, and all of a sudden cold weather! BRR, I guess I am experiencing winter!!!
Now down to the fun adventureness of my trip! Last weekend we had a Durban day, we took a hour long ride to the beach and had a beach day were some of laid out and got some sun, went to the markets, and ate some ice cream, and then watched the rest of us surf the waves of south Africa! It was fun! After the beach we jumped into Taxi’s ( which are crazy crazy drivers here), and went to the Rugby game! BEST THING EVER. I mean you all know how much I love hockey, but rugby is second best! And the team here is called the shraks! They played New Zealand, and we wont!! WOO it was so much fun, and there were a lot of people our age there, so it was fun hanging out in the bleachers with everyone at the game! I ate so much food, because at our African Enterprise place, I starve, I get pretty hungry! Haha.
Then my week got pretty slow, a lot of school and work, and being sick! I rested a lot. Then today I did something adventurous. But before I go on, I must give you background info. We have a “leader” here who was hired by the school to be “in charge” of us. She is an alumni from APU. Well basically she is the most negative person I have ever met, she is only 3 years older then me, and 1 year older then others. So its hard to listen to her sometimes. She tells us all that we are all immature, and gives us crap for not going to church on Sundays, that is if we don’t go. She thinks we are all crazy, and don’t ake God seriously…Oh jezzz I had enough with YWAM people, now she is here. Anyways there has been much conflict with ONLY her. Everyone else on my trip gets along. Haha. So today she made a mall run for us to go on. It turned out that the taxi could not get us for another hour, so she told them we are just White American students who are spoiled anyways and don’t need to go. When in reality many of us needed to get money out of the bank, cosmetics and snack food. Haha. Let me just tell you, the mall is about a 5 min drive down the road and a 30 minute walk.
So after we heard this, Mandy, Brooke, Katie, and I desided we were just going to walk. I mean its on the same road we always run on and go look for Zebra’s. We didn’t think much of it. So we walked. Well someone who works at the place we are stating at, drove by and asked if we wanted a ride! So of course we said yes. We got to the mall and got our stuff and food and tooth paste. Also some flowers for friends we met here, who live all over Africa! They were leaving and we wanted to do something nice for them. Anyways, did something adventureous as I was in line. There was a boy about 3-4 years older then us, who I will say was pretty cute, he looked like a skater punk ( and if you know me you know I like those boys haha, Step-daddy dave, you know my type…the skinny kind.) anyways, he was like that! And so I said to my friend Brooke “BROOKE its getting kind dark outside ( it was like 5 pm), and I am scared we are not going to have a ride home ☹… What do you think we will do?” at this time the cute boy turned to us and he said “Oh where are you guys staying?” We told him, and he said he had a truck and he would be more then happy to take us back up to the AE center! WOO, being an American with 4 cute friends WORKED haha. I know you all must think I’m turning Crazy, cause this is out of my character! But hey, I didn’t want to walk, and He was safe looking, and there was 4 of us. So we Jumped in the back of his truck ( we can do that here in south Africa, seatbelts mean nothing), and Mandy and I got in the car with him. He took us back up. We asked him how old he was…he was 23, traviled EVERYWHERE, has been to New York, and hates the City! ( I was already thinking this boy was cute, and he hated the city! I loved it, Nature I agreed is so much better!) haha well then we had him drop us off about a mile before our gate so Cindy( our leader) didn’t see us get a ride from a random person. Or else she might have stoned us! So basically I did two things I have never done before… 1 hitched hiked to the mall! And 2 talked to a cute boy! Woo!
So this is where is gets good! We get back and have our stuff, and we run into Cindy, and she goes “oh did you guys have fun at the mall?” haha and the little rebels we are said “yes we did!” and she was like you guys just walked? And didn’t ask me? And my friend Katie who is kind of a smartass said “Yeah, what does it matter, we run that raod everyday! Plus we are all 20 and 21, you can’t really tell us we can’t walk somewhere.” Haha this made her pretty mad, but we all joked with her! So basically she is okay, but we pissed her off some haha. (Dad, I know what your thinking…I’m turning evil and crazy, I promise I’m not, I’m just having fun don’t worry =) ) haha. But that is my big adventure for the day!
I can’t wait to come home. Its finally the point where I am homesick. I have not cried about it or anything, I just miss home, I miss feeling clean, miss feeling like I have clothes, miss the FOOD, miss my family and miss my friends and church!!! I don’t even know what my cell phone looks like anymore haha. Maybe that is a good thing?? But I have 5 weeks and like 6 days left! Its coming fast, and it will faster then I know. The next week coming up, is my last week of school. Then we have easter/spring break! Mandy, Brooke, Katie and I are going to Durban for the break. We are staying at The Beach Hotel on the water! ☺ And 4 boys are coming with us, but are staying in a different room of course, but we didn’t want to go all the way to Durban by ourselves. So they will surf and we will tan on the beach all day! And I’m sure Ill have some good stories to telll you all when I get back. After Spring Break I have one final to take, and then we start our serves projects for 4 weeks. I am going into a township, and working with the poor people, giving them food, reparing the houses ( which are more like little shacks), going to pre-schools and teaching children in the area. And working with the children! I am so excited I can’t wait. After our service projects we have about 6 days before we leave for home!!!! The last 4 days we are going on a Safari and sleeping in tents out in the wilderness!! I am so excited for that! Its going to be way rad! Then you all can see me again!! Woo hoo!
Oh and something else! I been feeling like I have been called to be in a leadership role at my school to get pluged in more. So I applied for this thing called Alpha Leader! Which Is a group of students mostly Jr’s and Sophomores who welcome in the new freshman at our school. We are in intense training, and get assigned 14 students each in the beginning of the school year. We have one class a week with them, then have little meetings with our groups to talk about things ( like a small group) to make sure they are fitting in well. Its like we are an older sibling ro something helping them through college. I hear the most amazing things from it. All freshman have to do this, and I did it, and it really helped me with my first semester! Well they pick a certain amount of Leaders after doing an interview and application! And I got the leadership postion! I am soooo stoked! I can’t wait to do it. I will leave for college earlier in the summer, the the middle of Aug. so I can do training, which is actually in San Fran! So that’s sweet ☺ So I thought Id share that with you all! Anyways I love you all and miss you much! Its like midnight here, and I need to sleep. Miss you so much!!!! <3 Kristy

Mass e-mail #6:
Hi Family and Friend,
Welcome to my mass e-mail number 6!
Okay, so I didn't write you to long ago, but some
things have happened since my last e-mail that I will
fill you all in on.. I am sure this wont be as long as
my last one!
So I am almost done with school, wooo hooo! I have 2
final exams, and one paper left! =) I am more and more
excited everyday, but I need to crack down and start
studying. Its been a long week, slow, but good. I have
actually been pretty homesick, all this time I have
been stuck in my little house/hut/whatever! and its
been raining. I am cold, I didn't bring a whole lot of
warm clothes, but I am okay. And since I been reading
a lot, and just sitting, journaling as well, All i can
think about it home! How much I miss going to get some
warm chi-tea at a coffee place, or taking a wonderful
shower, or seeing my family, which I miss so freakin
much, I guess you never understand/truely adore your
family until you are away for so long. I miss my good
friends who I talk to all the time and leave me sweet
comments, but I miss seeing them in person. I miss
food, Oh man what I would do for some mexican food. or
really a home cooked meal. I miss home. haha.
Other then missing home, I have found some ways to
keep my self intertained..Some of us decided we wanted
to go out to the pre-school that is about 30 mins away
from where we are staying, and help out for the day. I
went yesterday! And when i walked into the classroom
my eyes got tears in them because i just couldn't wait
until i could be a teacher one day for little
children! I was so excited to hang out and play with
them all day. Since it was close to Easter we bought
eggs and had a little lunch for them! We painted and
hung out! I feel in love with a little girl named
Monta (Yes nat, just like Monte but with an a) she was
a LOVE! I will attach a picture or try to to this
e-mail so you guys can see how beautiful she is! After
that school we stopped by a muslium school, and I
walked through each classroom there, and it was
amazing. I can't describe how awesome it is so see
kids loving school even though they are in little
shacks learning and loving it. The pre-school was a
one roomed place, and there was no where to move. It
was crazy.
After the school, I went to the mall, had some dinner,
and we pretended my friend brooke was pregnent. We
wanted to do a little study and see how people would
react. Anyways, we spent about an hour rushing through
the mall buying phone cards, and getting money out for
our big vacation ( 3 days off for spring breack in
durban). We then went to see a moive! We saw Juno,
which is about a pregenent teen girl. Lots of people
were giving my friend brooke discusted looks, but
after the movie a lot of them applogized, and wished
her luck! haha it was sweet, but made me kinda mad.
Anyways after the workers in the mall came over to
start to talk to brooke, and one petted her stomach,
she jumped because her stomach was clumpy and soft!
haha Brooke had to explain what we were doing and all
the ladies laughed and gave us free ice cream haha!
Besides that I have been talking Zulu classes for fun.
I am going in about a week in a half to go work in
townships or in an abused womans shelter. Each place
has AIDS victoms, and over 92% of the people in these
places are dying from the disease. I am overwhelmed
with lots of emotions, I don't know what to expect,
but I am hoping to make a difference or make theire
lifes eaiser in some way. Most importantly I was to
LOVE LOVE LOVE these people like they have never felt
love before, cause I mean, that is my major mission in
life! Anyways, I am learning Zulu because most of
these people do not know english, and to communicate
with them will be pretty hard. We do have some peoplel
working with us who can speack both lang. and
communicate that way, but they wont always be around.
So that is life here in South Africa for now. I am
sure I will be writing you soon. Maybe my next e-mail
will be about how my spring break was. =) Then the one
after that may be about my journey living in these
townships with these people! Expect some awesome
e-mails. =) I am excited to share this with all of
you. THIS IS THE REASON WHY I CAME!! and I can't be
more excited to hang out with the people!! I love you
all very much! And I will talk to you all soon!
You are very Loved and Well Missed!
Love Kristy
p.s. Mom, I got a place ticket for 49$ and I am flying
from LAX to SF airport the day I get back! I am
calling you later tonight to let you know the details.
But my friend is picking me up from SF, and maybe
Grandpa or you or someone can meet me in ptown that
night! =)

For all of you who don't get my e-mails but read my livejournal, here are the last two I sent out! If you are just now reading these, look at the passage below! I sent two before these two! Love you all!!
Hello Family and Friends,
First off sorry I have been slacking on writing these mass e-mails. I realize that I have been here for a month now, or coming up a month on Monday Feb. 11. The day after my birthday just incase some of you forgot ;) haha. Anyways, it’s been a busy time here down here in Cape Town. The last week was filled with final papers for my two classes, History of South Africa and Anthropology for Christian Life. We also had two presentations due for each class. So that is what I have been focusing a lot of my time on instead of having fun! Haha just kidding I am still having a great time.
So here are the fun things! Everyday I wake up to my dog outside the house howling at the Muslim prayer at 4:30 AM! I sleep the next few hours until I get awaken by the boys; they come into the room with grill cheese sandwiches, yogurt and cereal! Brian has my tea down perfect, just the way I like it! ☺ It makes my mornings great. The last week we had no school due to our papers and presentations. So on my time off I am either in Cape Town’s city, doing something crazy like swimming with sharks or petting cheetah’s, or kicking the soccer ball around with Brian and the neighborhood kids. Its quite fun! (Dad you would be stoked how much I am picking up my old soccer skills).
Tonight Brian, Chelsea, Tyler, and I took our home stay parents out for a dinner. We ate at this amazing Ethiopian place, and it was an amazing experience. I been eating at REALLY amazing restaurants lately. The other day I ate at this place called MAYO and it was all African style buffets, and I had antelope and Ostrich, the antelope was GREAT, but I was not a huge fan of the ostrich. I also ate at this Mediterranean place, where we sat on the floor with pillows and belly dancers everywhere. It was a blast!! Such good food, and I have only been sick twice, but its because I don’t drink enough water here I believe. I am still sunburn; I doubt it will ever go away. So Shark swimming was sweet, although my group did not get to see any sharks when we were in the cage, it was still amazing because I saw three great whites about 5 feet away from me when I was on the boat, and it grabbed the large tuna head we had on board! I saw all its teeth and the shark was about 4 meters long, times that by 3 and it means the shark was around 12 feet long! It was awesome. When I was eating at MAYO the other night we could go pet cheetahs and that was really fun! The place was beautiful, we ate in a tree house basically and the people who worked there painted our faces.
I have fallen in love with a singer named Ryan Adams, he is my favorite thing ever, I thought Id share since I am listening to him now. Its about midnight here, and I am up while everyone is sleeping. Go figure the insomniac is not tired. Tomorrow looks like the beach since I am done with my homework. Which means I should go to bed early to get up and call Mandy around 9.
Okay, I’m rambling. We leave Cape Town on Friday around 5:30 AM. Tomorrow night Thursday, we are having a BBQ or known as a Brie here. All of our families and us from the school are invited and I’m so excited it should be fun. I’m sad to leave Cape Town and the family I have been living with! They have been amazing! I LOVE them. They will be very much missed! But then we are on the Road for 5 days traveling up to Durban area, or kwazulu land! This is where I will be the reminder of the time for the school. We are staying at the South African enterprise place near the school. I am excited I heard its really down to earth and low key, which is something I am craving right now.

I arrived in Pietermarzburg!!! (NEW UPDATE)
Hello Everyone! So I am attaching a new update to the last e-mail I never got to send out! Okay so we had a long 5-day road trip up to our new place! THIS PLACE IS BEAUTIFUL HOLY CRAP!!! I went on a run today (yes me), and it was amazing then we went exploring about, which was RAD. There is jungle ness everywhere and SO MANY MONKEYS!!! Anyways Classes started today, and I am so looking forward to it because it’s all Christian classes, which I am stoked on! Besides that over the long road trip, I turned 20!! Yes hello I am no child anymore, well maybe at heart ;)! It was a FUN birthday! And get this, It rains about 3 times a year at the place we are at in Afrika, and back in cali it rains EVERY YEAR on my birthday so I was telling people how sad it will be that I wont have rain on my birthday this year…well GUESS WHAT! It rained on my birthday! Crazy!! Thunder and lighting, which is my favorite! My friend Mandy greeted me in the morning screaming KRUSTY (nickname she calls me) ITS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND ITS RAINING!!! Then everyone sung to me! We then went to the ostrich farm where I got a double kiss from a GIRL ostrich! I was lucky ;) haha I also got to hold a baby ostrich ( FREAKIN CUTE!!!) and EVERYONE told me to name it after me so I did, its name was “Krusty Fletcher” I’m not sure where Fletcher came from but Brian insisted that it would be Fletcher as well! We could not ride the ostriches because it was raining and well they cant balance and run in the rain! But we got to go to this place to see them all run around and the leader of the farm asked me to come up front so I did! He then told EVERYONE I was going to get to ride one since it was my birthday! So I got on the ostrich and everyone was cracking up! Well then the bird went freaking nuts and ran backwards without me fully on it, and fell to the ground and I screamed and I couldn’t get up and it jutted me and ran across my foot! I was SO SCARED! Then the guy brought over a NEW one, and I got on its back and I went for a ride, it’s SO funny. A lot of people got it on video so HOPEFULLY it will be up on YOUTUBE soon and you all can watch it. We then stopped in Port Elizabeth and there was HUGE storm there! It cleared up and my girls took me out to a nice restaurant and we ate on the beach harbor! They also paid for me! It was so sweet. Okay now here is the crazy part…we got a cake and went to the beach and ate it in our underwear!! Haha okay, dad and all you church kids you might think im nuts but I am !!! and Im in afrika! Why Not?? Haha. We also did some other silly stuff, but we made a packed, and its only between us!! ( well alie don’t worry I will tell you! Oh and yes bekah and Emily and allie I will tell you too! And well all you girls ill tell you hahah)! OKAY! Don’t think I drank, I didn’t I don’t do that crap! Plus im not 21! OKAY now that we got that cleared up, I HAD an amazing birthday! So now I am in Pietermarzburg where the Internet sucks once again! I finally am sleeping on a bed and I have an amazing roomie! Her name is mikaela and she is from Minnesota! And she is a hippy and one cool girl! I LOVE HER! Okay so I am in Mandy’s room at the moment and she wants me to tell you all this story: so today I was in class (me kristy), and Regge (our instructor) we just finishing up talking when I scooted out my chair and felt myself slowly fall backwards with my feet in the air! Mandy started to crap up because I looked at her the whole time with a scarred look on my face and soon enough the whole classroom was cracking up! I could not get up, and when my friend Brian helped me up he saw that the chair had been WELDED together, not screwed, and he had NO IDEA how I broke the chair! So yes it’s been a joke that I am overly fat and break chairs all day! I also have been having BAD diarrhea all day, and its been part of my life this whole trip. I am just the joke of the trip around here. Oh well, that’s my life. So Now I must finish this LAME SILLY e-mail up because I have over 250 pages to read by tomorrow, and I have not started, but you cant blame me because I just started class today!!! IT’S INTENSE!! I love you all and I miss you all. I hope you enjoyed my birthday stories! <3 I will e-mail soon enough about more interesting fun things, but I HAVE NO TIME NOW, and the Internet SUCKS ONCE AGAIN! MISS YOU ALL VERY VERY MUCH!!! SEE YOU IN LIKE 2 MONTHS or something. <33
p.s. happy single awareness day tomorrow ( feb. 14), oh and to all you happy couples…I hope your day is grand. I think the 9 boys are doing something for us 30 girls tomorrow haha we will see. I’m sure it will be a story!

Now for the Fourth Letter:
Hello Family and Friends,
Oh it has been a while since I last wrote an e-mail, I
am so sorry. Life has been very crazy at the moment
over here in south africa at the "AE" center. Although
its been a hot summer, and very beautiful in the days,
it rains everynight! Which I wont complain about
because it puts me to sleep. Let me update you on some
crazy things!
-We have many monkey here at the African Enterprise.
We nickednamed a few of them, baby, one eye ( he has
one eye), blue balls ( you know why ), he is the
leader, well anyways, as you all know I have the best
of luck, and my room got broken into by all of them. I
kicked them out of course but they took all my food,
and pooped on my computer. haha, I guess thats monkeys
for you. One Eye, is a very mean monkey, he is bitter
i am guessing. He likes to bang on my windows and
screetch at me. I'm not sure why. Maybe he likes me.
-I went to the doctors again!! well once was for a
huge bug bite that was infected and was bigger then a
golf ball. I got medicane and now its okay! :) But
just yesterday I woke up with a HUGE lump on the right
side by my pelvic (or private area haha). I was taken
to the ER, because people thought it could be a
hemroid, sist, or my appendics. ( I know i can't spell
these big terms). As you all know, or might guess, the
doctors are not like the doctors back home. I was
checked, but they gave me anti-biotics, and said it is
an infection from a bug bite...They searched my whole
body and did not find a bug bite or a tick. So I'm not
sure if i trust their advice. Don't worry Dad, I am
watching it, if it turns out to not go away from the
medicane and the anti-flamatory pills, I will go back.
In the last 24 hours it has gotten bigger. There is no
bite on it, its inside under my skin. So it could be
something. Who knows at this point. All you believers
out there should PRAY haha.
-I am UNDER PRESSURE ( like the song), about school.
You all think school is hard, oh and it is. But when
you have intense classes that are only 6 weeks long,
its pretty NUTS. I have two 12 page papers due monday,
2 mid-terms, 2 reserach papers, and a seminar
presantation, all due on Monday, its thursday, and I
am just now doing the research. I wont have a life for
the next couple of days. And classes just started two
weeks ago. Meaning I have only had class twice!! and
All these things are due! Crazy right??? Plus my two
classes are theology and the christian life, and Life
and Teachings of Jesus, although I am learning a lot
about something I LOVE, I feel like I may die. I'm
taking the two hardest classes here, which I did not
know.
- Besdies that, I am learning some Zulu in my Zulu
class! Which I get no credit for, so sometimes I am
annoyed I have to go. But it came in handy yesterday.
I met an african woman who needed prayer about a Job.
We communicated as best as we could in Zulu and
English. It was pretty rad.
-I went to the movies for the first time the other
night, it was AMAZING. I have not been to a movie in
quite some time. I saw the bucket list. I recommend
seeing it. It is a GREAT movie. I cried and paniced at
the end, it was so sad, but so good. GO SEE IT PEOPLE.
- My Bank at home sucks, and keeps telling me my cards
are denied. So when I went to the doctors the other
day, I had to have Reg ( the head derector of this
place/my teacher), pay for everything. So Screw banks
when you are not at home.
- Besides all that stuff, i am loving life here. I am
surrounded by beauty. I am in the middle of the
freakin Jungle, forest what ever. I try and go running
to keep in shape ( all the carbs are making me gain
weight!!), and when I go running I see Zebra, its
pretty sweet!
- I wake up every morning now at 6:30, go into the
prayer chapel, and journal. I LOVE DOING IT. it makes
my mornings ten times better! Plus its really the only
alone time i get around here, everyone on my team is
friendly and wonderful that I can't stop hanging out.
- Days here are slow. If I don't have class, I sit
under a tree and read, go to the water hole and slide
down the rocks ( they are like water slides), play
soccer in the grass, or nap. I do homework too, don't
worry. But a day feels like 3. Last weekend we got a
bus, and it took us into Durban. We went to UShaka
which is a waterslide/marineworld park! I had a blast!
I went down every waterslide, and because it was Bob
Marley's birthday, they had Reggie Music playing from
a live band! I got up and danced, it was AMAZING. I'm
not a pot head so do't worry i didnt smoke a joint
haha. I never would.
-This weekend nothing is planned, which is good
because I have to study hard for all this stuff coming
up on monday! Oh and I am so excited its leap year/ear
this year! its going to ROCK. Februray is the best
month, so you can't go wrong.
- I am making a ton of friends still. I mean we have
all been friends, but the relationships are changing,
we are all growing closer and closer and becoming like
sisters and brothers. I am in love with everyone here.
=)
-The food at this place is kinda gross, but i'll suck
it up and deal. But i am starting to get real cravings
for in-and-out, chipotle, and home cooked good meals.
So someone better make me some food when I get home.
-Well I hope you found this letter intertaining. I am
sorry I slack on writing, because when I do, these
letters tend to be very long. But I have to let you
know that I am alive and doing well.
-p.s. mom if you get this, I need you to do my FASFA (
for the scholarship stuff money stuff haha), because
its due soon, and I would do it, but I don't have my
tax returns. Thanks!!!
**Okay I must go now. well i don't really have to go,
but I do not have a lot left to say! I love you all
very much, and I am starting to dream about home!! AHH
I have like 7 weeks or so left, I think! I may be
wrong haha! So I hope to hear from you all soon, or
see you when I get back. You all are so loved!!! <3 Kristy

Okay so many of you know I am in Africa until May 1! I am going to school here and adventuring if some of you didn't know! A lot of people have been asking me to send e-mails and its getting hard, so I am posting my e-mails here as well as sending them! So if you missed one, You can read it here! I miss you all and love you!!

emails 1:
Dear my Family and Friends!
Hi!! I have made it to South Africa after leaving about 2 weeks ago. I know I have come in contact with some of you, but I have only spoken to you a little bit. I wanted to share a lot more, but as you all know its hard to tell everyone the same thing over and over again. I have gotten a lot of e-mails and comments on facebook and myspace as well! Thank you all for them! It means a lot when I get them. ☺ It helps to know home has not forgot about me haha.
Okay down to the good stuff! When I got to the airport I met all kinds of people, and I loved everyone right away. I know, its weird to think you can love 40 people so fast, but it happens! I swear I am blessed by all measures when it comes to this group! There is a person for everything and everyone! I met my roommate right away on the bus, we sat next to each other not knowing we were roommates. I actually knew Chealsie from before; I went to Disneyland once with her, with my friend Daly! So we already met before! Chealsie is a RAD girl! She is totally different from me, has brown hair, loves people more then anyone I know, and she is a total girly girl! She loves to get all dressed up! She is just very down to earth and sweet. She makes a good roommate at my home stay. Moving right along to friends, I have a good solid group of girls I hang out with! Most of you who go to APU will know who I’m talking about, but some of you guys wont haha. I have been hanging out with Mandy Peters, Brooke M, and Katie ( don’t remember her last name, but shes nuts and awesome!) and Ruthie! Don’t get me wrong we hang out with other girls as well, but we have our own little group too ☺ It makes it nice to cling to people. So far I have not been homesick because I am having way to much fun with these ladies to even think about home! At this point, its nice believe me! I also believe that Mandy is my long lost sister/soul mate/other half/twin what ever you want to call it. We clicked right away…and guess what!!! This girl is SMALLER then ME! Hahah I know crazy huh! She is outgoing, crazy, sassy, funny as heck, a total nut, down to earth, great heart, great personality…basically she is the coolest freakin girl I have ever come in contact with!! ( Alie, don’t worry your still my best friend!!! ) Anyways Mandy and I are the “funny” girls on our trip! We are born two days apart, and we bring the party! We get complements from everyone about how we make everything 10 times more fun! I love hanging out with her, we had a sleep over last night, and it was awesome, we watched the never ending story!!! Yes So if you can think of my other half, that would be Mandy, we do everything together!
Besides that, I hang out with the 9 guys on our trip a lot, because well one, I knew half of them before the trip, and 2 I live with right now, and one other Nick, who is kinda the “outcast” but still only talks to me and Mandy. He is doing better, he is just WAY different. but not really. He is just a character. Chealsie (my roomie) and I were placed in a home stay with a family that found out we were girls and didn’t want us. So we got placed in a different home stay and it turned out that my good friend Tyler from school and his friend Brian Kraft were living there. So we have brothers. ☺ It actually makes life easier living with them because we can go out longer and walk to places with them and be safe ☺ We also got blessed and lucked out on the nicest homestay house! My “mom” who we call Auntie Norma, is a stay at home mom. She has 3 older children all married. She cooks all day and makes the best food I have ever eaten! We all sleep in nice beds, and have amazing showers haha! We are the only home that has a shower!! She also lets us have everyone over and she makes HUGE HUGE dinners! Tonight was my “brother” Brians birthday so everyone came over and we all hang out! It was a lot of fun, like I said I have the coolest group of people over here.
Okay, and school…its different, it seems easy when I explain it, and it is, but just a lot of work. And To be honest, I have not done a thing for it yet…its been busy since I been here and since I live in the party house it does not help. But I will get it done. Mondays, Weds, and Fridays we have school from 9-1. We all walk to school together, well the people who live around me. Then we usually stay about an hour after school to eat and use the computers if there is no power outage! Which happens ALL the time!! Its crazy! We have had school cancelled a few times. ☺ hahah! But on Tues and Thurs. we Travel and go on fieldtrips! I have been to Nelson Mandelsa’s house, Roybn Island ( Yes Rob I thought of you), this Wineplace that started with an S, the apathied musium, and we also visted people’s homes that are basically shacks. I Felt really awkward going on a tour through these homes and neighborhoods. Its diffently a third world first world over here, and the third world was crazy. There are no words, but it was hard to see it all. It makes me think a lot about what I have over at home and how lucky I am. The people we okay with us being there because it shows us what Africa’s history is about, and people will make donations for the children that live there. We were attacked by kids all over the place. They would run up to me and just hug me, give me ice cream, kiss my cheaks, and just wanted to be held. They took us to there preschool and danced for us while they sang! I fell in love with these kids! They have NOTHING and are so freakin happy and love to share everything they have! It was a great experience! This country is BEAUTIFUL! Right outside my window of my bedroom I can see the famous Table Mt.!! Which we will hike on Thursday night I believe for Nick’s birthday!! Besides that I have only seen a couple Zebras and Ostrages ( The big birds…can’t spell haha). In Capetown they don’t have a million animals running around because its more of a city and beach then the wild. But in a few weeks I will be more inland were we will be staying on a wild animal place! So I’m sure I’ll see more. I have been to two beaches, Muzenburg ( all the crazy surfers go here), and Fish Hoek! These beaches are beautiful, but we picked a bad day to go because it was sooo windy, they sand gave me mini burses haha! Mandy Nick and I took the train all over the beaches and walked for miles and just explored and ate lunch! We had a blast!! I also have been to the city a few times once for a tour and the other time to just hang out and eat at a returant with brooke and mandy! Oh weird fact, they don’t have ketch up here!! Its soo annoying because they serve French fries (chips) EVERYWHERE! But so far the food ROCKS here!! I love it!!! I’m coming home FAT!
Oh and I had a crazy Idea to cut me hair, and so I let Mandy cut it! (Alana, don’t freak out, she did a good job!!), So its basically the same cut, just short! ☺ which is good cause it was getting WAY to long! So as you can see I’m having a GREAT time!!! I love it here, and I could live here the rest of my life!! Its beautiful, its summer time and its hot! I am sunburnt and peeling, but I’ll get a tan soon enough. I have not worn make-up or have done my hair since I been here, and I feel as though I’m turning into a hippy child hahah! But its amazing, I feel refreshed, and I feel like this is what I needed to do! And I finally feel good about life, and I feel Happy for ONCE!!! And I know I really do feel great because well…I SLEEP EVERYNIGHT!!! PERFECTLY!!! ☺ I feel at home! So Guys, do not worry!! I am doing just fine! I will keep updating you guys with life!! Sometimes its hard with everyting we are doing (like tomorrow night we are going to a huge theater show), and power outages make it hard, but I promise as much as I can I will send out HUGE e-mails like this. I miss you all very much! Feel free to shoot me and e-mail or anything. I will be putting pictures up soon, all my pictures will be on facebook, but those of you who don’t have facebook, I will put them up on a picture site soon and let you know what that address is! I love you all!!!! See you in May ☺
Love Kristy!!

E-mail#2:
Dear Family and Friends,
I know a couple of you got my last e-mail, but some of you didn’t. I will send you the other one soon ☺ but here is another short update! =) I will try and send you one every week when I have time.
So we had a few birthdays the last week or so. We celebrated one at my house for my “brother” Brian! It was a lot of fun!! Speaking of birthdays, when Mine comes on Feb. 10 we are on our 4 day road trip up to pietermazburg, and we are stopping at an ostriches farm to ride, pet, and kiss them!! We are then having dinner on the beach ☺ So my birthday is looking pretty awesome.
Today we went on a tour with our class to the cape of good hope and all around the coast! It was beautiful! I was so in love with it. Seriously S, Africa is beautiful the water is amazing, and if you’re a surfer you better get your butt down here! I was standing on top of a mountain today and the wind was so strong it blew me over haha! It was amazing, I have some pictures. Again, when I get them all update and online I will send you the link, until then if you have facebook some of them are on there. ☺ We also got to see some penguins today! They are so cute and I got them on viedo too ☺ Tomorrow we have normal school and I need to get caught up, I am way behind!! Haha.
So to recap of what I have done: I saw Nelson Mandela’s house, I saw where his cell was off the Island of Cape town, I have been to the waterfront which is beautiful, I went to famous beaches on the coast, Muzinburg and Fish Hoek, I saw the coast today, we went into wine country a few days ago, and ate at this amazing restaurant and it took 3 hours! The hardest part of being here is going to the townships. It breaks my heart to see the way people are living, in shacks. 1-3 families live in them and its so horrible. I felt awkward going to them, knowing I was a tourist taking pictures of their homes. THIS IS THEIR LIFE, THIS IS WHERE THEY LIVE, and here I was looking at it like it was a ride at Disneyland or something. It was good though because our money for our tour went to food and children’s schooling. The Children there were in school and did a dance for us! I think I told you all that already! Anyways that is what I have done. Other then that I have been to a play which was so amazing, it was making fun of S. Africa’s history and the events that have taken place! I am learning a lot by traveling and visiting places. Although I really need to start to read.
Okay so sorry if I recapped to much…Today is a knew day ( I write these e-mails on word before sending them out to you all. Yesterday I climbed Table Mountain, one of the coolest mountains here in cape town. It was quit the hike I think it took around 3 hours, but we took it slow because there was a lot of us, and little ones like myself who can’t climb crazy haha! But all in all it was an amazing experience! The view was like nothing you will ever see, so if you don’t make it here in your life time, it’s a bummer because I can’t even tell you how amazing it is, there are no words, and pictures do not do the justice! We took the trail up before sunset so we could see the sunset as we were on top. Beautiful, that is the only word I can throw out there, although it means nothing to the eye. In the morning the girls took the train to Cape town City and went to the green square market and shopped around a little, of course I bought bracelets since I’m crazy about them. And we hung with this rosta man for about 40 minutes as he made us all a unique necklace. Its pretty sweet!
Today I woke up pretty early and went to church, the church here is soo awesome. I feel at home, and it’s a good feeling to know that your half way around the world and the church you attend reminds you of your home church! It makes me feel so good knowing people who love the same God believe the same Thing, not like my crazy YWAM base haha. ☺ As you all know by now I feel at home here in South Africa, I just adore it. After church my family had a big family brunch! It was soo good! My house mom makes good grand food! I chatted with her husband a little after dinner and told him about my family, and told him that him and his wife are as old as my grandparents and he laughed and said I must call him grandpa when I see him now. He asked a lot of questions about YOU grandpa!! I told him all about you by the way! And he said if you lived here he would hook you up with a sweet job haha! The rest of the day I caught up on homework since I have not done any and guess what??? I’m basically done with it all ☺ haha! Then Brian Tyler and I ( My home Stay Bro’s from school), went to the shop down the street and got some breed, candy and cheese! We made some grill cheese sandwiches! They were SOOO GOOD! We then ate cookies! I love hanging out with them! Its very fun, and chill, thank GOD because I’m kinda getting sick of my roomie, I love the girl, but she is WAY girly, and I can’t take it haha! And now I am relaxing, its almost 11 PM at night, and we are watching the African Cup…for all of you who don’t know its soccer! That is all I do at night, I watch Soccer with Ty and Brian! Brian Loves soccer, and Yes dad, I told him all about you and how much you love it! Oh and Family and Friends I showed them your pictures today, They either want to date you hahah, or think my family is cute! So good Job Northern California, we have good looks ;)
This week looks like a lot of school, hiking lions head another Mt. tomorrow, Beach after school, trips to famous places, hanging out with locals from our school and going to a dance club ( Don’t worry its safe ), and this weekend I will be Shark Cage diving with Great Whites, and I AM SO SO STOKED about it!! Besides that I’m still getting sun burnt, and am still searching for some sunscreen and sandals. I will leave you all with that. I love you all so much, and I can’t wait to see you all soon.
p.s. I’ll try and upload pictures today…and e-mail you all the website they are on! Thanks for being so patient! Its hard to get internet here!!!! Its either slow, or we have power outages ALLL the time, so things get turned off for hours everyday! But its fun! You get use to it! Okay I LOVE YOU ALL MUCH MUCH MUCH LOVE! YOU ARE LOVED!!! AND MISSED!!!!
Love Kristy!!!

Come and go now as you please
Your actions write the melodies
To the songs that we sing
And you just sing

And I finally found that life goes on without you
And my world still turns when you're not around

Is this the way you want it?
Is this the way it has to be?
Sitting here beside you
With my heart's lost in San Fransisco
Dreams come clever
Hearts now severed
Difference of forever
And I am lost there

Well I finally found that life goes on without you
And my world still turns when you're not around
And I finally found that life goes on without you
And my world still turns when you're not around
And I finally find that all..

I'm not sure what has really happened the past months. I have felt lost and like a huge dark cloud follows me everywhere I go. This dark cloud is like the depression of my life. I have felt numb, I have been sad, I have felt lonely, I have felt empty. I struggled with my idea of faith, what it ment. Was God actually real? Am I just a crazy person who follows a belief just because I found it semi early in life. On top of it all, I felt no Joy.

Last Week was my turning point. I broke down, crumbbled and feel. I actually did this. I ended one of the most difficult phone calls in my life, and ran into my bathroom, locked the door, and wept for an hour. I couldn't move, I just had my face on the stone floor. Alie ran to the door, but I wouldn't let her in. I didn't want anyone to see me this way, but I gave in after 20 minutes. She is a great friend.

I've realized I lost myself in the past year and a half. Everything I believed in I questioned. Everything I knew seemed to be fake. And I am still struggling, but I realized that through everything that has happened, and the hurt and pain I have been trying to deal with, i'm DEALING with it. And I am trying so hard to be happy again. I'm opening up to people, and TRUSTING them. I don't TRUST people. I thought I lost my Soul, and I thought I was distant from GOD, but I learned, My soul is more alive then ever because i FEEl. and I am closer to God then ever before. And I know that I still believe in my loving father, I know I still have joy inside, and one day I will be back to my normal self again.

And Last night I slept, the whole night for the first time in a year. And its been 24 hours since I have not cried in a day, and its the first 24 hours I have been happy. Its just a slow process.

I have Completly Lost Myself. =( And I hate Everything about where I am. God Please Help Me.

Azusa is amazing. I love it here. I feel at home, and I actually love school.

I am tired though. Tired of Homework, Tired Of trying to make friends, Tired of being shy, Tired of how all my roommates gave Perfect amazing relationships and I sit waiting for my "man" to come. I'm just tired of listening to it all. I need to get away sometimes.

I went to Santa Barbara to see Vicki, Lee, and Josh this weekend. It was wonderful. :) Plus The rain is my favorite thing ever!! :) :) :)